Like some of you, the month of January tends to be a bit more difficult for me emotionally.  Whether it is the gray skies, the length of the month, or the fact that I’m homebound more than normal, usually my emotions take a melancholy dive.  To combat my feelings, I’ve learned to hover extra close to God during these days through prayer, devotion time and Bible study.  A new book the Lord placed in my path is “The Untroubled Heart”.  In this book, author Micca Campbell focuses on the remedies of the many fears that cause our hearts to be troubled.  God has used Micca’s words to remind me of his faithfulness and that he is a God to be trusted for the slightest concern of my life.  He also reminded me of the importance of a contented life.  Whether gray skies or blue, whether days filled with laughter or filled with tears, I must remember to practice contentedness.  As Micca shares from Phil. 4:11-13, the apostle Paul learned the secret of the contented life.  Paul learned that we develop contentment when we choose to be thankful for what God has provided in our daily lives, whether we like our circumstances or not.  Peace isn’t the absence of pressure.  It is the presence of God and our attitude toward his provisions in the midst of our pressure.  I pray I will practice holding onto these truths instead of being tossed by my feelings.  I pray I will hold to the truth that I am loved by the King of the entire world.  He sits on His Holy Throne ready to hold me in his arms and hear my words at any moment of the day or night.  As Creator, He alone has the power to touch my heart and love me in ways no human ever will.  

As God's Word says, "Humor is good medicine for the soul."  So let me share a humorous tale.  As you can see from the website, I run a ministry specifically for those of us whose husbands have gone to be with the Lord.  On the way to school before our last fellowship dinner, one of our young moms was explaining to her six year old son that they would be going out to dinner that night with the young widows and their children.  The son was excited to visit with some of his favorite young female friends considering that during most of our dinners, he is the only male to show.  There are advantages to hanging out with a group of widows. During prayer time before exiting the car, the son began praying for all of us that would be attending the dinner.  His exact words were, “And Lord take care of all the weirdoes that will be coming to dinner tonight.”   Out of the mouth of babes!  Thank you sweet soul for the hours of laughter your words have provided to our group. 

Blessings,

ME

As some of you know, my blog posting these days could be described as few and far between.  With ministry responsbilities, single parenting and homeschooling back at "home", finding the time to put words to the page comes rarely.  I know it's hard to believe, but time did seem easier to find when the Easter Chicks were on the road.  This week words have been burning to pour out of my soul.  I prayed fervently to God to make sure they were his "words", his "message" and not just mine.  He clearly spoke this morning from Matthew 10:27 saying, "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs."  So here I am. 

My life these last few weeks has involved a great deal of mountain climbing.  No, I don't mean on some awesome and glorious fourteener (14, 000+ mountain peaks throughout the Rockies).  My mountains have been like most of yours, of the the personal nature.  Times of struggling, times of deep thought, questioning and prayer.  My latest mountain required me going back in time to some of the most difficult moments of my journey thus far.  A few weeks ago I was asked to represent the Victim Witness Program by giving one of only five interviews to Nashville's lead newspaper, the Tennessean, for Victim's Rights Week which takes place at the end of this month.  Don't get me wrong, I was honored that Teresa Shearon,  director of the program and my own personal Victim/Witness Coordinator, asked me to be a part of the recognition of this program now celebrating 25 years of assisting victims of violent crimes in Nashville.  After Scott's death, God truly used this program and specifically Teresa to protect and minister to me in times when I was too raw and vulnerable to care for myself.  Teresa was a soldier who walked before me ready to wield her weapons to guard me when I had no strength to fight myself.  Over our time together, she watched me grow from being a wounded victim to a survivor.   

Going back to July 21, 2002 is never without great emotion.  Details that will always rest in some small chasm of my mind are inevitably reawakened.  The interview process lasted over four hours. As if pictures and words are not enough to see, newspapers now video and do voice recordings for their web page.  I'm sure my southern and sometimes sarcastic slang was in full glory.  My jaws actually hurt from talking so much.  I know that is hard for some of you to believe, but they did.  I have no idea what answer I gave to many of the last questions.  I'm afraid by the end of the interview my mind was mush. 

One of the reporter's last questions I will never forget.  She asked "What has been your greatest victory?"  Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about all the victories of my last seven years.   My first thought was my own personal change and growth. I sat there realizing how honored I am to call Jesus Christ not only my Savior but my best friend.   He allowed the fire of my life to be heated because he cared that I be a different person, a more humble servant than I was before.  Because of the pain of great sorrow, I can truly shout from the rooftop that he never leaves us or forsakes us.  I can proclaim beyond a shadow of doubt that he uses all circumstances for our good and for his glory.  My faith has certainly been deepened.  I thought about my girls and how much better a model of motherhood I have been for them than I may have been before. Then I thought about the faces of so many people that have been brought into my life since that fateful day.  Your faces came to my mind.  Faces I have been given the opportunity to know, to speak to, to pray with and to serve, faces I would have forfeited without this experience.  The faces of every friendship made, every friendship deepened.  The faces of every widow I have been honored to sit across the table from and offer a glimmer of hope.  I thought about Chosen, a ministry birthed from great loss that has yielded great gain for the kingdom.   I thought about every student and every lady in prison that I have been allowed to share my testimony with.  Before Scott's death, I was a child of the King but caught in much bondage to self-centered living.  But like the Israelites leaving Egypt, I have been given opportunity to taste sweet victory over the enemy and carry away much plunder.  Losing Scott changed my course of life.  Living for God instead of me became my greatest mission.   

I would have never been able to take hold of such sweet victory had it not been for so many of you.  So on this very special morning and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!  Thank you for every act of love bestowed on the girls and me, every word of encouragement written or spoken, and every prayer offered to the Father on our behalf.  Thank you to every person who has helped me to raise my babies into the Godly young women they are today.  Thank you to every person who has given me the opportunity to share my story, God's story.  Thank you to every widow who found me faithful to hear your story and offer you hope.  Thank you to every person who prayed, and I beg you to never cease praying for us.  Some of you I speak rarely to these days, and some I will never speak face to face with until the heavenlies.  Some of you are new friends,  and some have journeyed every moment of life with me.  For all of you, I share the following lessons learned during some of the most difficult but glorious days of my journey.  I pray they encourage your hearts. 

I encourage you to live in a state of PRAISE and THANKSGIVING.  Some of us act as if we have nothing to be thankful for.  I used to.  I remind you especially on this day, praise Jesus for dying a horrible death so he could redeem your life.  The Word says that "for the joy that was set before Him, Jesus took the cross."  That joy was YOU, that joy was me.  He took that cross and suffered its cruelty and shame so we would not have to suffer the cruelty and shame of our sins. Too many of us live as if we are entitled to a better life than the one we have been given.  Rumblings for a better home, a better car, a better job, a better bank account, a better spouse, better behaved children pour out our mouths.  In this life, the only thing we were entitled to was HELL.  But because of the free gift of forgivenss offered to all of us, hell doesn't have to be our destiny.  I encourage you to stop being whiny brats, instead be the thankful children of the King that you are.  Live in praise of your Father and in thanksgiving for all he has given.  He is so very worthy!

I encourage you to live in TRUST.  No matter what circumstances you are living in this very moment, know that God is still seated on the throne of authority.  He will never abdicate his throne to another.  He has no fear of his enemies. He is your Daddy, and he loves you more than any being ever will be able to. The only reason he allows the circumstances to come your way is because he found you faithful, TO FIND HIM FAITHFUL.  So find him faithful to be the God his Word promises him to be.  Leave any captivity the enemy has tied you to and walk away with your plunder.  Your reward awaits. Much captivity in our world today rest in the root of some form of self.  Self glory is in constant battle with God's glory.  Self-protection, self-reliance, self-defense, self-gratification, self-concept- self, self, self.  We are vessels created not to be glorified and honored, but instead to bring glory and honor to God by the way we live out our daily moments.  Believe this former captive lied to by the enemy for many years.  Your truest and greatest honor will only come in your total reliance and complete obedience to the Father.

Live with PURPOSE.  Seek God's purposes for your life and not your own.  He will lay out the popcorn trail, letting you only see the next step but never the whole picture.  And why?  Because being your Daddy, he knows If he showed you the whole grand picture all the way into eternity, you would run the other way.  Remember, you do belong to a stiff-necked people always thinking you know better than he.  Most importantly, if any of you have a friend, family member, neighbor or any loved one that has not understood what it means to be forgiven by Jesus, speak truth to them today.  If they will not hear you, continue praying fervently to the Lord for them to be saved.  This world we exist in at this moment is fleeting.  It is only temporary.  What is to come is eternal, FOREVER.  Make sure all you care for are going with you. 

Lastly, live in EXPECTANCY.  After Scott left this world, I would walk morning after morning through the house before the girls awakened wailing over his absence.  I missed him so very much.  Broken hearted, I crawled to the altar before my Father through deep prayer, begging for a ray of hope.  One morning as I sat down at my desk, I ripped away pages of a desk calendar that I had not attended to for quite some time.  The verse before me read Rev. 3:11, "Behold, I come soon.  Hold fast to what is yours so that no one may take your crown."  Tears ceased as I took a gasp of breath and looked around the room feeling the presence of God in ways mere words will never explain.  I knew God was sitting in front of me, cradling my face, wiping away every tear, and speaking words of hope to his child.  He was declaring to me that he was coming soon.  Weeks later, on the girls and my first vacation without our sweet daddy and husband, I went outside the first morning to weep.  Playing my ever constant role of the doubting Thomas, I was begging God that what he had told me was true.  My oldest baby came out finding me in a literal heap of tears.  She had no idea I was in deep prayer begging God to be true to his promise of coming to get his people soon.  Wrapping me in her little loving arms, my back was to the sky when she hearled the most beautiful declaration of all time.  She said, "Mommy look at that beautiful rainbow."  I nearly threw the poor child to the ground turning around so I could watch God Almighty open up the sky and give me the sign of his promise.  I silently snicker now that nearly every family member and friend, every Bible teacher, and every pastor in the pulpit and on tv and radio are proclaiming that we are living in the last of the last days.  When I use to tell people what God shared with me that day, many would look at me as if I had taken the last step over the edge of insanity.  I'm now trying to be humble enough not to say, "I told you so."  I had no idea what soon meant to God, but he knew what it meant to me.  His truth gave me hope.  I without a doubt do not believe our time on this earth is long.  Whatever business (and I don't mean earthly) we have left to do, we better be getting our affairs in order.  The trumpet is getting ready to sound, the dead in Christ are getting ready to rise, and for me I'm leaving this tent and I'm going HOME!  I'm going to recline at the banquet table and will probably fight the Sons of Thunder for the top spot.  Scott will come over, take my hand, and gently remind me of one of the same lessons he "lived out" while here, "The first will be last and the last will be first."

I will finalize this blog with the same question as above.  So what is my greatest victory?  Knowing Jesus Christ as my Maker, my Husband, my Redeemer, my Friend.  I pray each of you celebrate the gift and the hope he offers to each of us on this very special (and maybe last) Easter.  For in just a little while, we may hear him say, "Arise my love!"

Blessings to all,

ME

The Easter Chicks rolled into the Christmas Season with a full calendar of plans to celebrate the wonderful birth of our Savior.  With my Bible study drawn to a close, our first semester of homeschooling nearly complete and the Christmas cards in the mail, I actually found time today to write words for a blog.  I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to describe our day yesterday.  Not because I wanted to boast about our life, but instead I wanted to boast about my Jesus. 

What a season, what a day.  We began yesterday serving in a local ministry called Toystore.  This is a ministry through the Bledsoe Baptist Association where parents who have fallen on difficult times are allowed to come and shop for their children for Christmas.  These parents are open to the love of the volunteers, the opportunity to secure toys and such for their children and the message of Christ’s love and forgiveness.  I have worked in this ministry before by myself, but yesterday was the first time I worked with my girls.  Sometimes I sit day in and day out wondering if I’m getting through to my girls as to what it means to love and serve Jesus. Yesterday I realized they have learned more than I ever imagined. 

Both my girls eagerly greeted complete strangers with warm smiles and loving hearts.  They encouraged each parent as to what their age of child might like, and they also carried each item in large heavy garbage bags to the end of the shopping experience. They gave warm hugs and wished each parent a Merry Christmas. There was no fear and no barriers due to nationality or socioeconomic level, just two young girls loving and being Jesus to another.  A parent could never be as proud as I was. 

We praised God as we left, making plans to return the following year and do even more to help.

Our next destination was not something I was looking greatly forward to.  Both my girls wanted to attend the Toby Mac Winter Wonderslam in downtown.  This meant for me downtown traffic, cold temperatures which I hate and a late night out.  For someone who likes to be in bed by 9pm, this was torture.  But when my oldest won two tickets for the concert, I realized it was a divine appointment for the Easter Chicks.  And divine it was. 

We decided to get into downtown early to have a bite of dinner before the concert at one of our favorite locations, the Spaghetti Factory.  When we arrived around 5pm, I noticed traffic was unusually thick with major downtown roads being closed.  But even in the thick traffic, Jesus found us a very close parking area to the Sommet Center.  Still wondering what was up, I inquired with a local merchant as to what was going on.  He told me the annual Christmas parade was planned to begin at 7pm.  With those words, I became very discouraged realizing there was no way we would have time to eat dinner at the Spaghetti Factory with what was inevitably going to be a long wait due to the crowds. After a brisk walk in falling temps, we arrived for dinner.  The lobby was jam packed with people sitting in every seat in the waiting area and standing in every corner.  We proceeded to the hostess stand and were told our wait would be 40 minutes, a time we did not have.  Then out of the blue an angel (ok another hostess, but an angel to us) walked behind the lead hostess and asked how many was in our party.  When he heard three, he said, “I can take them now.  Right this way.”    I nearly started screaming in raucous amazement, but I decided it might not be wise when I saw the inquiring faces of those behind and around us.  Our dinner was delicious and delightful and provided for us ample time to return before the concert. 

Remember my oldest had only won two tickets, one for her and one for her sister.  I had to secure the third for our group and did my best to get as close as I could to my girls.  But God didn’t want me to just be close.  When the concert began, he provided two open seats right in front of the girls, so I was able to be right with them.  He certainly was ever in each detail of the evening. 

The concert proved to be exceptional, not just the music but the message.  I sat and watched over 9000 students, parents and youth leaders give their greatest applause of the evening when it was shared that Jesus is our greatest gift of Christmas.  Toby Mac lives true to the words of his music, he is a Jesus freak.  He energized and encouraged each student to follow in his footsteps to love Jesus and follow him with their whole heart. Toby jumped (literally) into the audience and became a part of the crowd sharing his heart for Jesus.  My youngest is still ecstatic over touching Toby’s back as he passed by.  He lead the audience in an honest and humble prayer for direction for their lives.  Hearts were inspired and Jesus was praised.  9000 Jesus freaks praised their God and Savior.

Each year since Scott’s homegoing, God has made a special point of offering me an extraordinary gift during the holiday season. Yesterday was my special gift sent from heaven above. We were allowed to lavish love on many.  Then God escorted us downtown and safely parked the car as any gentleman would.  He provided the most special dinner in impossible circumstances, and then he allowed my eyes to see wonders unimaginable in the hearts of many.  A day and night that had God’s handprints all over it for his little princesses.  What a Father, what a Husband, and what a King we serve.  May you be encouraged to love him and serve him this season.  ME   

Most of you were probably expecting to read about how the girls and I are doing in our west coast location today.  I wrote a blog describing the details of our time and lo and behold, God had a different agenda.  I tried to post and was so disturbed in my soul; I had to retract each word.  All He will allow me to say is that we are having a blast.  The weather is warm and the times are sweet. 

God brought me back to his mighty ocean shore to renew my spirit and remind me of the power and might he possesses to roll in each wave to shore.  Daily life in my home is special between me and God, but he knows the coast holds a special place in my heart and it is here that he draws me ever so close to his heart.  We hear a lot of talk in our time about a need for revival in our nation.  I learned this morning that the most necessary place for revival to begin is in the heart of each individual believer.  Living in the last days before we see the rapture of Christian believers, we are facing times of paramount warfare.  From unparalleled temptation to oppressive discouragement, I am witnessing the body of Christ being slowly drained of our hope for survival. 

This morning I was in just such a place personally.  Seeking God for many weeks, days and hours over some difficult situations I am personally facing, I set my face steadfast to the Lord for an answer I had been longing to receive.  In my personal fieldtrip of life, I have learned not to give up until an answer is received.  And just like the sweet Father God has proven to be all of my life, he did not give me a quick fix answer, but instead allowed me to wait until the precise moment he knew I was ready to receive the answer.  God was waiting until I was at a place where I would be still and ready to hear his gentle whisper.  Then He spoke the life giving truth to my situation.  The answer came, my heart rested and I joyfully leapt into the air in praise of my God and his perfect timing.  It became a moment of personal revival. 

I wonder how many more of you need a moment of personal revival.  A moment where the time is right and the heart is receptive to hearing the Word of God.  I wonder how our spirits would be rejuvenated if we would all stop searching after our own answers to life’s difficult situations and would simply resolve to simply wait upon the Lord for his answer.  From my experience, the “wait” is the catalyst that is necessary to prepare the heart for the truth.   The “wait” brings you to a place of complete humility where you realize you are nothing without your God.  You learn you have no answers to life’s difficulties, and that your only hope is in the Almighty.

If you are in such a place today, resolve to wait steadfastly upon your God.  He will not disappoint you.  He will give you the exact answer your longing heart searches for and at the exact moment He knows is best for you.  And when found, it will bring you to a place of personal revival.  You can then use the moment to not only praise the Giver, but encourage the next one in line waiting.  Maybe then, our nation will see the “revival” it has been longing for.   When you reach such a place, your heart is receptive to the gentle whisper and the truth then gives you joy and direction.  The truth honestly sets you free to make the next necessary step in the popcorn trail of life.  LIFE IS BUT A JOURNEY!

The webpage is up and running, but there are still many kinks to work out and notably a few corrections to be made.  Excuse us while we are still learning. 

Much fun to be had as we journey on in this adventure called life.  Blessings to all.  ME  

Some of you may be wondering where the website has been for the last two weeks.  Allow me to explain.  The webpage was attacked by a virus sent from someone in China. The virus literally ate up the word text of our entire blog.  The hacker pretended to be a previous contributor and once he was given access, put his plan in motion to destroy the site.

But then God...  Anyone who has read my blogs is familiar with these words.  You do not Journey with Jesus and not have faith that He works out all things for good (Romans8:28). After a momentary meltdown upon hearing our site had been destroyed, I remembered all the blogs were written through Windows Live Writer.  God safely stored them away from evil and preserved them to be used to serve his greater purposes.

I would like to tell you the complete vision I have for our new website.  But with God, I have learned he only gives enough light to take the next step.  I believe if God gave me a complete vision of everything he plans to do on our Journey With Jesus, I would run and hide in total fear.  So right now I can only share with you a few items God and I are putting into place.

First of all

I do plan to continue blogging.  The content and timing for the blogs will come from above, so I will not be able to peg a certain day or subject matter.  When God inspires, I will write.  Daily life, future travels in our RV and definitely homeschooling will all be a part of our journeys.   

Secondly

Upon so many recommendations I plan to put all the journal entries and pictures from our trip across America in some type of book form.  I’m not sure how that will work, but God does.

Thirdly

I plan to use the website to incorporate all aspects of our life, including but not limited to the blessed ministry to widows God has given me the privilege of developing called Chosen: A Ministry for Widows.  The ministry is based at this time at my home church, First Baptist Hendersonville, but I would love an opportunity for other church leaders to take this idea and put a ministry in place for widows in their church and community.  I also am working with a few other widows right now putting our stories together and time will only tell where God will take that project.

I want to thank anyone reading this page for your love and kindness to be so interested in your fellow servants of the Lord.  Your prayers and encouragement carried my babies and me into the blessed truth, “With God All Things Are Possible.”  I pray you will be encouraged to embrace that truth and allow God to take you to the unimaginable heights He has in store for all of us as we journey daily with Jesus.